Blue's gone.
Lust bug's back.
god help us. or me is more like it. Blue!!!!!!

The torpedo in the night was a super storm making machine

so it was a intersting day.
Freedom. a word that people only see and then think about and cry over.
I am free chiildren. read em and weep. just kidding. midterm back and got a fucking A- goddamn erden I want to stuff that midterm up his ass. and then light it with lighter fluid.
the average was a freaking low D!!!! just fucking curve the bastard.

I hat eit . i wanted a freaking A. holy cow. i should have practiced my resonances more. holy freaking shit. i am going to do nothing but freaking resonances from now on.
I have a flea in my underwear. they are driving me cukoo.

I am free from Rach, Free from Gill, Free from Dan, Free from Evan, Free from Mom, Dad, Rav, Shadow, Erin, Free from Aimee, Cory, Free from Lindsey, Free from swami.
God bless it.....

the solid cerulean and transluscent azure

the biology midterm inches like the cold stalk of the leopard.
A very late night in SF on friday because I had misheard my chinese GSI.
I thought she was speaking a different language, but actually she was speaking english.
not as much trouble from the sexbug today.
maybe it is because blue was by my side throughout.
that and all the hot girls were at the football game.
I can't wait to wait in bed and think of things like I did when I was a kid.
I am beginning to love learning.
but more than learning I love being with Blue.
I love every second of it. Maybe, I'll clean my house for Him.
I love you my little blue. my sweet and ancient sky zephyr.
the color of ozone. the sound of grass on the first day of summer.

on Love

I know why I don’t want to meet anybody, becaue I know that it will end in heartbreak, … why? Because I know inside that they cannot provide me of what I am really looking for. True everlasting happiness.

There is only one thing that can give me that.

I know that the if I love somebody, it will have to be in the moment. I know I will have to forget about the future, because I know they will get old, I know they will get annoyed with little things that I do. The only everlasting happiness is with God. The infinite, the all –loving. God bless Him.Thank God.

so here in teh library with Blue

So, I'm here in the library with Blue, he's been hugging me since the beginning of the millenia.
I couldn't buy any tea or bagel-cream cheese. I feel bummed.
I am hungry for those things... the other store just closed, Evan just called.
I got the scare of my life thinking I got Rachel pregnant. which was impossible considering i never came. and she had her period like a half-week afterwards.
I told Evan after he asked how far I went, that I did "the good, the bad, and the ugly"

Blue was good to me today. always by my side. no odd disappearing acts.
very kind, and loving. OH blue, you know I love you. He's reading the screen and hugging me. He kisses me on the cheek. 'I guess that's why the call it the Blue. .... Time on my hands is time spent with you..... laughin like children, livin like lovers..... "

cafe and biology movement

I do feel strangely optimistic about this new biological venture in my life.
surely, the spirituality was good, but it seems that there needs to be a constant academic engagement. For Example there is this entity to my right. asweet being I know, but skin deep and dangerous, considering it could last time and come crashing down right when i am about to take my GRE or my MCAT. you see?

so to be immersing myself with thoughts of a budding golgi, to ask myself. why doesn't anyone know if its cisternae actually moves with the finishing product... ... so why do I keep looking over there?
We've sidelonged. a few times now... is she frightened?


well I looked up all sorts of animations on the computers they have hear. perhaps the cd will be a better resource.

what a fool i'd be to just fumble my life on a pretty eye a sweet smile and a kind twist of the wrist.

I better get out of here. I wouldn't even know what I would do if she looked my way. Nod?
I have no idea. ask her about her meal. probably go up to her and ask her if She was in my class.. even though I don't take any berkeley classes, or how bout, ask her what she's studying.
looks like law.
I wonder if any one else in this cafe loves her...

Window Face

Ah, now i'm in some strange accounting hovel where they talk about costs.
I'm here starving for organelles and biology information.
Thinking about the mcat date, whether i should take the april, or the June. why don't they have a freaking may one?
not many girl talks today. kind of a bummer. blue, blue , where are you ?
sounds like a rafi song, Baby ba =blue ga. baby bablue ga.
Little Mermaid coming out with a new platinum dvd double set.
I'm probably the only straight 23 year old male looking forward to its release.
the murmurs here are illegible. that's why I love them. some are ac tually chinese.
wow.

Blue vaporized today. I saw many people who's legs I wanted to taste. who's shoulder's I also wanted to taste. But also i found that the midterm in Ochem was not too formidable but one resonance quesiton really busted my hump. who new he would put a pentane on there with seven resonance structures. holy mama.
the bio aremenian girl said I was goofy. which i could only shrug at. then when i knew that proteins were also called polypeptides I became a nerd. and then as I smashed her head through a windsheild I became a... ... psycho maniac. and then as I ..... jeez loweeez.
not looking forward to stinky hospital tommorow. Hopefully blue's coming with me will make it more bearable.

I should go early this time and talk to barbara... I haven't been able to talk to the mothers much these days.
GOsh last time Kevin COrnist's mom was with kevin in the quad and kevin had a brand new raider cap. they stunk so she was embarrassed and laughing about it.
Living without Rachel isn's so bad. I wish my sex lust wasn't so clingy... it seems like every skinny girl with nice legs and nice face gets owns my heart for themoment she is near me.
jeez on the way to the bart today, i was squished lovingly next to a nice blonde girl. jeez loweeez.
all I can say is if it weren't for blue, I'd be lost. i'd want so much, and get so little. and want to kill myself. but I don't thanks to blue, He manufactured this whole deal anyway, if it weren't for blue there'd be no sex lust to begin with and we all think that blue is so nice. you little mischievous blue!

Ochem Study Hurts the Kidney and Bum

Went biking with blue today.
Yesterday I skimped out on many a birthday: Ed's and Harold's
Today I found a man more witty than I... I forgot his name... he's friends with Stephanie Haaser though, and that is how he's connected with the Facebook/Berkeley literary network. OH yes Greg something- multisyllabic.

Rachel is pestering me on the facebook and outside facebook.

THis is not the John F True library.
this is the old moffit bowel.
Football game on right now, but i need to keep studying ochem.
look at my sentences. they are robotic.
"what do you have to say about that blue?"
Blue is a comfort. but sometimes i forget him and become stiff and crabby and my sentences come out like metal and brass. hard and stupid.
This is a place to forget all the important things in life. this silly row of black monoliths.

Future Planns

well, telling by the spelling i can't really think ahead. I mean who could have foreseen the disaster of the second n creaping up in plans?

Well, I see a man staring wildly into a micrsocope watching things wrap around and devour other little things. I see a man disecting a mouse's stomach to find the jewel of life wrapped up in crystal gametes.
there's some kind of research in the horizon. There might by some monking about with Blue.
There might be some neurologist work.
but so much depends on the MCAT.
I don't particularly have a great liking for cats. i mean i like kittens, but cats are scratchy dander-filled things. I don't like the MCAT either. But it could be the only thing i have left.
thank goodness for Blue or how could I take any of this?

A day after biology lab seeing monsters in my mouth.

The John F. True Computer lab with Blue and poor boy. We are here reporting live I see a amn hello. I see a man with khaki trousers, a proud god knows what Indian. That looks like he just crawled out of a hole next to a big tree, he’s got a girdy smile on his face. Ahhh he’s dark Mexican I can tell by the soccer insignia.

His face is darkened by the hair that desires to envelope it.

A sweaty stink emanates from inbetween his legs as he spreads them, “ who needs to sit when you can stand and stand like this” awkward chess piece of a man, he should be wearing a robe.

Wel I had no beef with this man until he started humping is keyboard… what a bug head. Ash if his little humps could help him keep rhythm.

I gigure whatever happens. I have some insurance saved up. Spiritual insurance that is. And so I’ll be okay. Most people i’ve met don’t have as much insurance saved up and their not even half as worried as I am. So much for faith.

It has been a long day. Mr Mody made his way over getting lost 3 times. Pretty good for a burgeoning physicist. I mean We live on a freaking grid fellas, how hard is it?

Kind of cute girls in this lab, but they seem to have been somehow born in a trash chute.
I see them shopping for makeup at K mart. I mean it works, but it just is a little off.

Cory, my lab partner took like fifty freeking hours to focus her microscope. the squid would have killed the whole submarine team by then. She doesn't realize that if she wants to cut it she better put some fire into that focus. You have to have focus fingers and reflexes.

My chest is freaking atrophying. Blue says its okay because the whole body is just a piece of flexing atrophying muscle eating, crapping machine.
but still i want it to be tight and righteous. goddamn swimming.

I don't want to go. I will though, i allready look like a boy, if i have no chest ill look like a freaking gumby fetus.

My sore throat is hiding on the top of my mouth. Assholes are like that, they don't seem to know when to really say "it's over".

Blue has been walking with me and padding me on the shoulder off and on, Its good that he's here. sometimes i think he isn't. BUt then i say he must be.